Every year at Christmas-time I find myself looking back at the past year, wondering where the time went. I can never quite believe that a whole year has passed. As I have been reflecting over the past few weeks, my heart just seems overwhelmed. As I laid in bed this morning listening to my sweet child breathe deeply while she slept, my thoughts were overflowing. What I write next may be jumbled and not make much sense, but I thought I would give it a try. So far this blog has been mostly updates on our family but I think I would like to try to share some of my deeper thoughts. So, this is what I have been thinking about lately. Here goes nothin'!
1. Our 2nd anniversary: 2 years married to the most wonderful man in the world!! On Saturday night, Kory and I went to his office Christmas party. It was the first time we had been out together for a long, long time. What a joy this was. I had forgotten how much fun I could have with my best friend. I think most people understand how wonderful it is to be in love, but marriage is so much more than that. Being married to Kory has been the biggest blessing of my life, evident in the fact that it is better than I could have ever imagined or hoped for. To me, that in itself is proof that it is from Jesus - only He could have gifted me with this. I wanted to share something that I told Kory in the car on the way to the party. Perhaps it won't make sense to anyone else but us, but maybe it will and maybe it will even bless other marriages.
The greatest gift Kory has ever given me is to
suffer with me. Kory never feels sorry for me, he just simply feels it
with me.
I think pain is a very lonely thing, or at least it always has been for me. Life is not easy, and although I am blessed beyond belief, I am not free from the painful pangs of fear, disappointment, anxiety and distress. When I feel like this, I look at my best friend and see pain in his face. To see me hurt is agonizing for him. He loves me so much that our pain is not separate. When one hurts, so does the other. I don't really know how else to describe this. It is something that I never experienced before marriage but has truly blessed me and healed me in more ways than I can count. In Ephesians 5:25-33, Paul describes the sacrificial role of husbands in marriage. Praise the Lord that my husband is a picture of this:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
2. Earlier in the year, I read Twelve Extraordinary Women by John MacArthur in a women's bible study. Lately, I have been awakened to the fact that we live in a broken and fallen world, a world that is not as it was designed to be. On a little side note, I hope what I am writing does not sound depressing or disheartening. This is not my intention - in fact, the opposite. I hope to point out that there is so much hope in Christ Jesus, that His grace and mercy are
absolutely enough. He is good and He is sovereign, the face of Love. My point is that the world is hard, but the reality is that we can ALWAYS trust, even in times when all looks dark.
So to continue, I wanted to include some of what I read in MacArthur's book. As a woman, I find myself very aware that things just don't seem "right," despite the fact that all seems well. When I read the following, I was astounded - not just by the fact that I can trace the way I feel all the way back to Eve and the original sin, but the way that God's grace shines so brightly even in the midst of disaster:
Genesis 16:
To the woman He said:
“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire
shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
MacArthur's thoughts:
Presumably, even childbirth would have been as painless and perfect as every other aspect of Paradise. But this language simply recognizes that now, in a fallen world, sadness, pain, and physical difficulty would be a part and parcel of the woman's daily routine. And in childbirth, the pain and sorrow would be "greatly multiplied" - significantly increased over the normal woes of everyday life. The bearing of children, which originally had the potential to bring the most undiluted kind of joy and gladness, would instead by marred by severe pain and difficulty. Genesis 3:16 describes a similar struggle that would take place between Eve and her husband. Before Adam sinned, his leadership was always perfectly wise and loving and tender. Before Eve sinned, her submission was the perfect model of meekness and modesty. But sin changed all that. She would now chafe under his headship and desire to gain dominance over him. His tendency would be to suppress her in a harsh or domineering way. It is one of the immediate effects of sin and the awful curse that was brought upon our race.
But there was
grace in the curse:
1. Eve might have been made subject to the serpent to whom she had foolishly acquiesced. But instead, she remained under the headship of her husband, who loved her.
2. She might have been utterly destroyed, or made to wander alone in a world where survival would have been difficult. Instead, she was permitted to remain with Adam, who would continue to care for her and provide for her. Although their relationship would now have tension that did not exist in Eden, she remained Adam's partner. Even though she might have justly been made an outcast and a pariah, she retained her role as wife.
3. In the worst case, Eve might have been forbidden to bear children. Instead, although the experience would now be painful and accompanied by sorrow, Eve would still be the mother of all living.
4. The promise that Eve would still bear children mitigated every other aspect of the curse. That one simple expectation contained a ray of hope for the whole human race. There was a hint in the curse itself that one of Eve's own offspring would ultimately overthrow evil and dispel the darkness of sin. Eve had set a whole world of evil in motion by her disobedience; now, through her offspring, she would produce a Savior.
Thank You, Jesus.
My child has awakened, so I must end for now. I will post more thoughts again soon.
Birthday picture with Mommy
Birthday picture with Gigi :)
